It happened. Liam rolled. Something that I've always said I will never, ever encourage. Selfishly because I treasure being able to walk out of the room, knowing he will stay just the way I left him. Plus it is a part of getting older, which is totally not cool over here.

But here it is, happening. And I find myself putting him back on his stomach to see the best part of my day happen yet again. Not to mention squealing like a moron each and every time! Because moms are the weirdest.

birthday

I have been really bad at the blog lately, but yesterday was my BIRTHDAY. Anddd naturally, the celebration continues!

I remember as a kid, if your birthday happened to land on a Sunday it was like a blow to the soul. (FYI because I'm Mormon- and recognizing the Sabbath day is something we try to take seriously.) It sounds bad, but I would be lying if I didn't say aloud "buzz kill!!" when I found out this was my year.

Gente, I've changed my mind. Guess what, Sunday's are actually the best day for birthdays! Because there is none of that go-to-work business, no guilt about the errands that need to be done, and after church- lazy days are a check plus. And we embraced it! I told Alex for my birthday I wanted a computer/TV free day. So we played cards. Made dinner together. And did a whole lot of laughing and cuddling. Oh my goodness, seriously though...

Then we got together with great friends for ice cream sandwiches and basketball. Of course, there was lots of singing in English and Portuguese involved, just the way we like it.

Traveling Extravaganza

Liam and I have been nomads for the past month and a half. First we flew into Vegas to be at Zion Ponderosa for a family reunion, drove up to Salt Lake for a few days, flew to CT where Alex met us for a week, then Martha's Vineyard, back to Utah, off to CT, and then to Brazil. I was home for a total of 1 day before heading to a little island off of Recife called Fernando de Noronha with two of my sisters, cousin Katie, and my dad. Got back for another day, then headed out for Foz de Iguaçu with the girls. WHEW. Yesterday I got back, and today has been all about unpacking and settling back into my favorite little abode.

So you see, Liam is an expert traveler by now. And he is a total champ considering his sleep schedule is still non-existent. Establishing that is my #1 goal this week, because I'm selfishly ready for some real sleep! By the way, my main regret is not having read up on this earlier and started right when he was born. Definitelyyyy learn from me.

Back to our extravaganza. Where do I begin? Being in the states was marvelous, as usual. I love driving there. It's actually calming. Also I love Costco. Oh how I love that place! Best of all, introducing Liam to everyone. My sisters are the best aunties, and thanks to willing babysitters Alex and I snuck in a couple dates.

There are so many things I miss about living in the U.S., but this trip made me realize again how blessed we are to have this opportunity in Brazil. And I can really say that I genuinely enjoy it here and for now, it feels like home. Seeing my husband is pretty great too. I really hate being away from that guy.

Here are a few favorites:

Blessing day

Nothing

I feel like Liam is leaving behind the newborn look, it's unbelievable. He is turning into a little man right before my very eyes! He is smiling more and more, and it absolutely kiiiiiiills me.

After the first two weeks I remember thinking, "this has been the longest two weeks of my life." Does that sound horrible or what? Don't get me wrong, I was head-over-heels in love with this baby and wouldn't trade my new life for anything. But getting used to it all- trying to figure out how everything works (how to soothe, breastfeed, swaddle, bathe, change a diaper, etc) on little to no sleep, not to mention your own body's recovery was quite the adjustment. Basically it was a combination that made me feel like I was constantly underwater.

Then the first month came, and that felt about right. Then I blinked and he is 2 months old this week! Time is going by so fast right now, and I have no idea where it is going. Too often when Alex gets home from work the apartment is messy, I haven't even thought about what to make for dinner, and I am torn between what need is most dire- eat, take a shower, or pee? It's days like this when I wonder, "what in the world have I been doing all day??"

And then I read this article yesterday, and it helped everything make a little more sense. If you're a mama, read it. Because turns out we aren't doing as horribly as we may think we are-

Actually I'm going to share a little bit of it on here. Or maybe a lot.

"So what are you doing all day? Not much that can be measured, really. You’re simply responding appropriately and with patience (through fatigue), to smiles, to tears, to hunger cues, and to drowsiness, teaching your baby how to navigate this complex and (to a baby) highly emotional and raw world...You are teaching a tiny, helpless person all about the world—at least the important parts, like how we treat each other and what it means to be connected to a family. You are creating a foundation of love and trust between you and your baby, one that will help you set your parenting compass, inform your future interactions, and provide a basis for the way your child relates to the larger world...Oh, and you’re becoming a mother. It started the day your baby was conceived, and it continues beyond birth. Your baby is stretching and growing into this new body, and you are too.

But that’s about it, really. That’s your day.

Our culture doesn’t have a good way to measure what you are accomplishing. Your baby will grow and meet milestones: check. But to the untrained eye most of this work, at the end of the day, will look like nothing.

But we know better.

There is no greater task than the nothing you did yesterday, the nothing you are doing today, and the nothing you will do tomorrow. Caring for a baby is all about the immediate experience, yet the first two years are all about investment. It’s give, give, give, and give some more. These are hard-fought, rough-and-tumble years that can cut us down to our core and take us soaring high above the clouds, all in the space of 5 minutes. And yes, as you do the hardest work of your life, it will seem like you’re not getting anything done at all. Crazy, huh?

But here’s where it gets interesting: As much as you need and want a break now (and you should take one, more on that later), no mother has ever looked back on this time and thought, “I wish I had held my baby less.” You will not remember the dishes that didn’t get done, the vacuuming that you just couldn’t make happen, or the dirty clothes you wore more often than you’d like to admit. You will remember the first smile, the first belly laugh, the first words, the first steps. You will remember the way you looked at your baby, and the way your baby looked at you.

So the next time you find yourself wondering how another day is gone and nothing is done, stop. Hold your baby—feel the way that tiny body strains to contain this giant soul—complete, and full of potential all at the same time. Take a deep, slow breath. Close your eyes and measure your day not as tasks, but as feelings, as sounds, as colors. Exhaustion is part of it. And it’s true, you will get “nothing” done. But the hard parts will fade. The intense, burning love is what remains, and it is yours to keep forever."

And that's all for now, folks.

A little love story: Part 1

A little while ago I stumbled on an online journal I had started around the time Alex and I were dating. The journal was actually created to document how I saw the hand of the Lord in my life that day. How I felt blessed, in small ways or big. And although it has a lot of my spiritual thoughts in there, it also has a lot of thoughts about Alex in there too. I suppose I couldn’t help it, I was so grateful to have this amazing guy pop into my life! 

I’m surprised I’ve never shared mine and Alex’s little love story on here before. It was quite the whirlwind. Our first date was July 5th, and we were married December 17th. The summary of it sounds so cliché BYU couple, but to me it is the most romantic story I’ve ever heard. I was literally giggling like a schoolgirl when reading through these entries. Maybe I’m a little biased? Definitely. So here we go, if you’re up for it.

A Little Love Story: Part 1

Towards the end of my freshman year at BYU, I decided last minute that I didn’t want to go home for the summer. I was having too much fun, why go back to my room in Connecticut where I had no idea what I’d even be doing? So I started to look for apartments. I had already done a lot of apartment shopping with my friends for next fall. In particular we loved the Avenues (great location and fun atmosphere), but it was pricey and we ended up deciding on an adorable townhouse called Campus Lane, across from Liberty Square. So for the summer, I really wanted to live in the Avenues, even though I didn’t know a single person who was there. Plus I could get a much better price with girls desperate to sell their contracts. I found someone who was moving out and she agreed to sell me her contract. It was perfect! But during finals and a week before moving in, she decided to stay and the contract was no longer available. Are you kidding?! Not even bothering to look anywhere else, I started knocking random doors in the building, asking if anyone was selling their spring/summer contract and quickly found one conveniently located on the first floor. I moved in a few days later to an apartment with three other girls I had never met. 


Oh my. I was so intimidated!! I was a lowly freshman (well, now technically a sophmore) and these girls were entering their senior year and had been roommates/best friends for the past two years. Laura, Natalie, and Kellie. But let me tell you, I lucked out big time! They were so welcoming and sweet, and totally included me in all their social circles and outings- which I was in desperate need of, considering all my homesick friends had eagerly gone home. 

My first night I was unpacking kitchen supplies when a group of guys came over. They lived in another apartment complex, where my roommates used to live and were all good friends. They all seemed really nice and approachable, except one. A really cute one. Towhead, tall, and I couldn’t help but notice that great build. (What can I say- us Neeleman girls like big guys?) But he seemed pretty reserved, and the conversation didn’t move past basic introductions. After they left, I told my roommates “Woahhh who was that?!” One of them jokingly said, “Oh great, now another one likes Alex!” They also mentioned that he might still be dating one of the BYU cheerleaders, an amazing girl apparently. 

A few days later, my roommate was squealing with excitement over a conversation she was having with Alex over facebook. Yep, I was definitely going to leave this one alone. No way I was going to be that girl coming in and shaking things up! 

The same group of guys came over regularly the next couple months. I usually made myself pretty sparse when they did and was careful not to be flirty. One time I played Jenga with all of them though, and randomly ended up next to Alex. Naturally, I toppled the Jenga tower twice in a row. I am so bad at that game, thanks to my impatient nature. Alex later told me that he noticed an NFL app on my phone that night, which immediately spiked his interest in me.  (Little did he know, that automatically came with my blackberry and hadn’t thought to delete it. Ha!)

It wasn’t until summer semester was starting that we actually started talking. Sorta. I had just taken American Heritage, and apparently Alex would be summer semester. He started asking around if anyone had the textbook, and Kellie told him I did. I had no need for it anymore, and said that Alex can come get it whenever he wants. Well, apparently he wanted a little more direct communication because a few days later I got a text, “Hey Victoria, you probably don’t remember me but this is Alex from the Elms. Kellie mentioned that you’d be willing to lend me your AH textbook. Thanks! When will you be around so I can pick it up?” I was at work, and gave a brief response that I left it on my kitchen table and he could stop by the apartment anytime, because chances are one of my roommates would be there. I figured that would be the end of the conversation, until he quickly responded, “Oh ok. Well let me know when you are there. What are you up to?” A few hours later I gave another short (and slightly rude) response, “At work. I’ll let you know, but like I said- you can stop by any time.” I had only heard the best things about him and obviously thought he was really attractive, but never considered pursuing anything. I didn’t want to be stepping on any toes, plus he might have a girlfriend. It wasn’t much later that he texted back, “Ok. So where do you work?” 

And that’s when our first “real” conversation started. Yes, our relationship started over text. That is also when I started to consider this guy. After all, I hadn’t heard anything further about a girlfriend and nothing seemed to be developing with my roommates. Turns out they weren’t seriously interested anyway. 

When I got home, I wrote out a quick note wishing him luck on this beast of a class, and slid it in the textbook. He stopped by looking good as ever in a shirt and tie, (at the time he was teaching at the MTC and on his way to work) we exchanged a few quick words, and that was it. 

Until a few days later when I got another text. “How can I repay you for lending out your book?” I couldn’t help but smile at that. I mean really?

Part 2 here.

One Month

Liam is 1 month old! How bizarre is that? I've also been a mother for 1 month. Just in time for Mother's Day- which was wonderful.

We went to the park for a few hours, then came home and Alex made dinner. I think I might have even snuck in a nap. Does it get better?

At one month old, I can't believe how fast he is already changing! I was just looking through the pictures RaKae took a couple weeks ago, and already there is a huge difference.  Time needs to stop for a little bit, I am looving this stage of constant cuddling too much.

RaKae took some more pictures for us a few days ago.  I can't stop looking through them, namely the ones of Alex and Liam. I am crazy for these boys of mine!

How I got through a natural labor

Disclaimer: Everyone’s births are so different. By this post, I’m not trying to say going natural is the way to go for everyone.

Up until I was around 6 months pregnant, I was all about the epidural. Even though my three older sisters are all major natural supporters, I didn’t get it. I figured after a long pregnancy, I was going to welcome any help with open arms. We do live in the 21st century after all, and we don’t need to do it the old fashioned way! But more than anything, I had no idea how I would deal with pain of that kind of magnitude, and it scared the living daylights out of me.

And honestly, I felt like some people who went through with natural births were obnoxious about it. Like they were above the “weak” majority that accept pain medications, and you should do it too. Or you’re selfish. That is probably too harsh, but that’s the vibe I would get. And it bugged me.

A big part of my decision to go natural was the fact that I’m living in Brazil, which has one of the world’s highest rates of cesarean births. For instance, the hospital I birthed in has a 90% c-section rate. For this reason, hospitals are really geared for this- and doctors are most comfortable with this method. However, that is something I most definitely didn’t want. I was worried that having an epidural would start a domino effect of interventions that would lead to a c-section.

I also did a lot of research that changed my perspective. But I'm not going into why- that isn't the purpose of this post. I'm writing this for women who are looking for more help in preparing for a natural labor. Because I know that I wanted all the advice I could get!

• Educate yourself. Once I decided I wanted to have a natural birth, I studied everything I could and took pages of notes. First, I read The Bradley Method. Even though it seems a bit outdated, I full heartedly recommend it. A lot of the techniques I used were found there. I also watched lots of videos, browsed other books, and read through countless natural birth stories. Even though each birth is so different, these gave me a sense of confidence that every pregnant woman has to go through the birth process- and I can do it too.
• Involve your husband/partner. I made Alex read The Bradley Method with me. We would read a little bit at night, and if we were going for a long car ride I’d bring it along. Even though he wasn't very interested, I insisted. And it was worth it! Once I hit the transition phase and pushing- Alex was everything. I relied on him so heavily, and he was such an amazing support when I was about to lose it. It sounds funny, but after the birth I felt like I loved him 10x more than before. Going through an experience like that and seeing him in that role- of being so strong and comforting to me when I was incredibly desperate, still gets me emotional just thinking about it! I think Alex would have been great either way, but I’m sure the preparation helped him. Because it is a difficult time for them too.
• Having a doula. For me, this was crucial. At first I was hesitant. I didn’t really want a stranger in my home coaching me through it. But my doctor really encouraged this, and I figured being my first baby it would be nice having someone who was very experienced around. Not to mention someone who spoke English. It ended up being one of the best decisions! Especially because I had Liam before my mom got here. Alex was fantastic, but also having someone that knew exactly how this process works was very reassuring. It also enabled me to spend the majority of my labor at home, otherwise I probably would have gone in unnecessarily early. With my particular hospital, this would have made a much more stressful experience.
• Relaxing atmosphere. If possible, being at home for as long as you can is best. You’re in your own environment and it is easier to relax. If not, you can create this at the hospital too. Dim lighting, calming music, etc… Whatever soothes you.
• Mental imagery. This was my saving grace during labor! I was never the type of person that could do this. I had tried meditating many times before but could never maintain that type of concentration. A big mantra for me was, “this isn’t pain, it is progress”. I tried to relax as much as possible during contractions as well, by relaxing any tense muscles (particularly in my back and shoulders). I visualized relaxing everything so that I could work with the pain, not against it with a stressed body.
• 
  
  Another was visualizing that I was surfing over a wave during the contraction, picturing riding the top of the wave during the climax and slowly riding down as it lessened. The key was to be on top of the pain, and not let the pain take over me. (Reading through this sounds looney, but trust me- you need something specific to focus on.)
• There were some contractions where I would lose concentration and the pain would overwhelm me. It was when I would break this focus, and say things like “it hurts so bad!!" These were the moments that I felt like I couldn’t handle it. Luckily in between contractions is a time to gather yourself for the next one.
• However, there comes a point (transition phase) when this mental imagery became too difficult. From this point on, I was completely focused on just breathing in and out and nothing else.
• Try different positions. A lot of my preparation was in a lying down position, which the Bradley Method highly recommends. However, for me I found lying down to be the worst type of torture. I used an exercise ball, walked around, took long showers etc… This also goes for pushing. It baffles me how the majority push on their backs. I couldn’t imagine doing that- for me the pain would have been too much to bear! So instead I pushed on a chair designed for that type of thing. This felt so much more natural to do, and gravity is on your side that way. Basically, allow your body to be in charge and do what feels right.
• Stay hydrated. And if you can, eat light snacks. You need all the energy you can get!
• If comfortable and able to do so, stay at home as long as possible. If I showed up at the hospital when is typically recommended (3 min apart) I would have been there for nearly 12 hours! A lot of women have that experience, but the hospital can’t do much more for you than you can do at home (unless you have certain medical needs, of course). Except give you pain medications or stress you out. For me, I’m sure the nurses would have encouraged me to lay down, gotten impatient with my slow progress, and I definitely would have been more tempted by the epidural. You’re in the candy store, after all.
• Pray. All the time.
• Finally, trust in the process. Countless women have done this before, and our bodies were virtually designed for this. The more you can relax, the better your body can do what it is supposed to do.